i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
