The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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