I can't breathe out the right side of my face
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
