my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
