Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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