I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
