Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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