I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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