i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
