I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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