thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish I only lived at night.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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