I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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