the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
