she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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