Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
