how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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