I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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