At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
