this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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