Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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