Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
