I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
