one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
