if you like me you must not know who I am
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
