It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
