I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize