He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
