So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you win again, gameday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
