i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
