my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
