I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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