well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
