What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
