I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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