bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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