No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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