Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
