my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
