We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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