ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
