Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
