If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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