At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
