Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
