as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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