there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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