every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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