where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
