so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
