I smell stomach acid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
God, I missed his penis.
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