We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
