I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize