this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
