Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i've created a new STD.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
