what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
