WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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