the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
