I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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