you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
