i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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