Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
