ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't think brook has ever known best
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
