it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize