well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
