literally had 100 drinks last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize