Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
