oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
