I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
