HIV tests are more positive than that guy
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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