update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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