you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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