Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
