My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
