I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
